She stood in a valley of daisies

Enchanted by their sight

Bewitched by their scent

It was perfect

Happiness

Peace

Quiet

And restfulness dominated the atmosphere

A man walked in; uninvited.

HOW DARE YOU – she thought to herself

The man walked closer and closer to her

She stood and began to assemble an orchestra of words that she thought would drive him away.

He didn’t respond to her wounding words.

Adding to her confusion, he drew closer and closer with a growing smile on his face.

She stood there furious and pointed out the beauty of her safe place prior to his intrusion.

He looked around and all he saw was

Darkness

Death

Loneliness

Confusion

& sadness that once was joy that painted the most beautiful scenery imaginable

But she was blind to what he saw.

He drew closer

She walked away

He drew closer again, keeping his pace

She began to run

Saddened but not discouraged, he called out “I know you’re hurt.”

She stopped. Transfixed her place.

What does that even mean? What hurt?

She turned back around and looked straight into his welcoming eyes.

And. There. It. Was.

The love she never could have imagined .

But why did it feel like it was more painful than it was before he even arrived?

Why did this love proclaiming man feel like he was just there to press on my bruises?

Is this what love is supposed to do?

He spoke to her about who she was

Strong

Beautiful

Graceful

And most important of all; loved.

 

She immediately felt shattered by the tender words of love that were spoken over her. Is that what love is supposed to do?

She felt stripped of her counterfeit self and there it was; her hurt.

She imagined he’s showed up with a magic wand to make it all go away; but he didn’t. He was going to do this the slow, painful way – without an anaesthetic.

She dreaded the moment he would decide it was time for her to go through surgery.

He had already decided that it was way overdue but now was the perfect time.

She stood and tried to be brave but once she began to feel him operating on her, the pain she experienced was far worse than what she anticipated.

He knew I would be uncomfortable, he knew I would want to give up, he knew I would get HURT? Is this what love is supposed to do?

He continued as she cried out in pain but confusion began to prevail.

Is he enjoying my pain? Is this what love is supposed to do?

The surgery ended after what felt like an eternity of pain.

Moments later she began to feel only the aftermath of the surgery.

She looked down and saw a carefully dressed wound and almost immediately relief began to prevail.

Are you done now? – She said

No – He said

Why are you even here! – She said

See what you don’t know is that I knew your hurt before it even took place and it shattered my heart but I couldn’t do anything about it. 

I stood.

I watched.

Shattered. 

You tried to be strong and figure out how to ease the pain and ended up with nothing but a false peace and happiness that took over your life. 

You began to believe the lie you created.

But then just what I knew would happen, happened.

From somewhere deep down in your spirit, you decided to cry out to me.

Your mind denied it.

Your body defiled it.

And your soul ignored it.

But I heard it.

So I came.

You thought I came uninvited, but you called out to me.

You thought I caused your pain, but I felt it with you.

You thought I abandoned you, but I was right here. 

You thought there was peace and joy without me, but there isn’t.

The truth is that I knew, I saw. I felt, I heard; but it didn’t matter because you had to cry out.

And then you did.

And my shattered heart became whole because I knew your healing was coming. 

That’s what love does!

It shatters false identity

It shatters false joy and hope

It shatters lies

It shatter insecurity 

It shatter all that is false until all that stands in the beauty that I, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, made you to be.

Will you get hurt? Yes.

Will you experience pain again? Yes.

Will you fall again? Yes.

But I will feel your hurt, I will ease your pain and I will pick you up only when you agree to stand up and go through surgery again.

That is what my love proclaiming shattered heart promises to do every time you fall.

I don’t have to come; but I ALWAYS will. – He proclaimed.

 

 

“Thus he has given us through these things, his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may escape from the corruption that is in the world…” (2 Peter 4:1)

 

 

Many times in my life I thought “If I’m done dealing with this” THEN I’ll be good. When I wrote “Shattered” is when I realised there is no end to God’s grace and mercy over us. With every new season comes new challenges. Time after time I find myself frustrated at the fact that there’s more to “deal with” in my heart, but then I am reminded of Christ’s love for the church that is displayed throughout the Bible and I realise – thank God there is no end to God’s mercy because I will forever be failed by this world and by myself. My only hope in life and in death is that I am not my own; I belong -body and soul, both in life and death, to God and to our Savior Jesus Christ. I will choose to all the more gladly rejoice in suffering in any capacity- because I know that my redeemer lives and I am HIS. Will you rejoice with me?

AUTHOR:
SYLVIA BARSOUM


Sylvia Barsoum did her Awaken DTS here with YWAM Kona in 2014. She then came back to do her School of Biblical Studies in 2015-16. Since then she has been on staff with the School of Biblical Studies for two years, teaching and studying the Bible.